"I'm a Bear" | Random Thoughts
This is a story about sardines. Well, sort-of. Mostly. Part of it is about Whole Foods Market. The rest is about how I have no filter and apparently have lost the ability to look around before I start talking. But, I digress.
Here's what happened...
When I was a teenager, I loved to eat sardines. I especially loved to eat sardines with mustard and had no qualms about eating the bones. I stopped eating sardines as I got older because the idea of eating bones started to creep me out. However, a couple months ago, looked up their nutritional value and was impressed with how good they are for you.
I decided to get a few tins to see if I still liked them. The first brand I tried was Crown Prince and the sardines were skinless and boneless. I really liked them, but they were $3.99 a tin at Whole Foods Market. I went to Target and found a different brand for about a dollar less and decided to try it.
They were not skinless. Or boneless. They looked like the tails were still on (they were). I mean, I was glad that at least the head wasn't on there. As I opened the tin, I thought I saw an eyeball (it wasn't). I was like, "That's what I get for trying to save a buck". My old fear of bones in sardines were coming back, plus these had tails.
Still, I didn't want to waste them, so I put some mustard on them and tried to close my eyes as I ate them. It didn't work. I felt the tail on my lip and freaked out. I told myself, "Hey, bears don't care about tails or bones. Remember those videos you watched of all the grizzly bears in Alaska eating the salmon right out of the air? You're a bear. You don't care about bones or tails. You're a bear."
I was standing in the kitchen telling myself "I'm a bear" over and over and my husband was working in his office nearby. I was like, well if he comes in here, I'll just explain I'm a bear. (He's used to me saying weird things, so he'd accept my explanation without question). I finished the sardines by cutting off the tails and telling myself I was a bear and decided never to get that brand again.
So, a couple weeks ago I saw that there were some other brands on sale at Whole Foods Market. They said they were descaled, but had bones in them. I started to tell my husband the story of how I decided I was a bear and how that decision allowed me to finish the horrifying tin of sardines. I did this as I was grabbing about eight tins of sardines.
I felt like someone was watching us and turned to see some guy standing about fifteen feet away, looking shocked and horrified. I whispered to my husband, "There's some guy standing over there, staring at us. I bet he's horrified about how many sardines I'm getting." But when we turned around, the man had started to walk away quickly. It never occurred to me until the next day that he probably heard the story of how I told myself I was a bear in order to eat the sardines.
Personally, if I overheard my story, I'd think it was sage advice and also tell myself I was a bear while eating sardines, but I guess that guy didn't feel that way. (Shrugs).
You're wondering about the new brand of sardines aren't you? Well, I tried those out a couple days ago and the spine I found in the new brand (Wild Planet) was like when The Predator rips out a spine of a human. I know most sardine bones are edible, but not this one. That thing seems like it should hanging from a tree for Arnold Schwarzenegger to find. I ate all the sardines in the tin, but I couldn't look at it. I ate it all though, because after all, I'm a bear.
I hope you liked this story! Do you have any funny stories to share? Please share them in the comments below!